Satan saw that I had not been in the word as much as I should have been and had not been honoring the Lord in certain areas of my life. And he saw that that was my weakness and began to plague me and try to convince me that every un-God-honoring thing I had done or every God-honoring thing that I had NOT done would keep me from talking with God and being renewed by Him. I began to think that if I prayed to God and said "I'm sorry" for the things I had done or not done, that He wouldn't listen. And that He would have no desire to hear me say "I'm sorry". I began to believe that praying was something that I just did on my own, hoping God would choose to hear me this time. I began to think that He would not forgive me because of how many times I said, "I'm sorry". My mind was filled with so many doubts that plagued me as I tried to figure out WHY I had them -
I doubted I would be able to get through this semester of school. I doubted I would be able to get a job. I doubted the Lord would be able to get me to India. I doubted the Lord's provision. I doubted the Lord's plan in my life. I doubted my future in ministry. I doubted I would ever be able to truly communicate with Him. I doubted the Lord's forgiveness and, worst of all, I doubted His love.
And I still struggle with it.
But today, I read the Word and a few verses spoke out to me.
- Luke 12: 24 says, "Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!"
- Luke 12:32 says, "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom."
Though the word "doubt" does not appear in either of these verses, the Lord put them on my heart and is using them at this moment to change the way I view my circumstances. He is using them to change me. The Lord DOES provide everything I need, and He DOES have a perfect plan for my life. I just cannot see it all yet. And when I doubt, I choose to be blinded from what He chooses to reveal to me.
Do not be afraid, do not worry, do not doubt, little sheep. *Smiles* For your God delights in choosing to give you the KINGDOM!
