Live in the Moment

NOTE: This is not the kind of impulsive rash way of living that most people think of.

I'm laying in my bed thinking over the past entire day (new years eve) and realizing how much time I spent wishing I was doing something else...only because the "something else" I was thinking of somehow (I thought) would make what I was doing more special or more memorable. New years eve has always been somewhat of a big deal to me, probably most simply due to the fact that my family has always celebrated it in some form or fashion. I've even been to parties where we'd continue to make noise for hours after midnight. I'm used to playing it up on new years.

But this time around it was different. Maybe because I have a fiancé now. Maybe because I hung out with different people than I have before. Maybe because some of my family went to different parties than the rest of us. Maybe because I'm 21. Anyway, I found myself looking for something more than what I was "given" persay. There was no plan of anything during the evening hours. And what we thought would occupy us, we eventually found was no more amusing than jumping jacks.

Being honest, I thought it was going to be a lame night. (it ended up being very nice, btw) But as I mull over it now, I realize I was continually wishing for something that really can't be grasped with an event or certain activity or even a plan. It's hard to put into words, but the message I am trying to convey is that tonight, I forgot that the people I love were the true reason to celebrate anything. I didn't need anything else but them to enjoy the day and to make memories when I thought I needed more.

So yeah, the title of this post is live in the moment. Live in the moment. Love the people around you. Laugh. Smile. Enjoy being alive. Because there are so many people who don't even have a chance at the life we so casually live.

Oh, and the politically correct-ness of this post ends now - - - The only reason we can truly live in the moment and enjoy living life is through Jesus Christ. And if you disagree, then you haven't given Him a shot.

My new years resolution? I'm gonna live. Really live. Today.

Doubts

For the past month or so, Satan has been poisoning my mind. He has filled it with all sorts of doubts... doubts in every possible area of my life. And just today, I realized what has been going on.

Satan saw that I had not been in the word as much as I should have been and had not been honoring the Lord in certain areas of my life. And he saw that that was my weakness and began to plague me and try to convince me that every un-God-honoring thing I had done or every God-honoring thing that I had NOT done would keep me from talking with God and being renewed by Him. I began to think that if I prayed to God and said "I'm sorry" for the things I had done or not done, that He wouldn't listen. And that He would have no desire to hear me say "I'm sorry". I began to believe that praying was something that I just did on my own, hoping God would choose to hear me this time. I began to think that He would not forgive me because of how many times I said, "I'm sorry". My mind was filled with so many doubts that plagued me as I tried to figure out WHY I had them -

I doubted I would be able to get through this semester of school. I doubted I would be able to get a job. I doubted the Lord would be able to get me to India. I doubted the Lord's provision. I doubted the Lord's plan in my life. I doubted my future in ministry. I doubted I would ever be able to truly communicate with Him. I doubted the Lord's forgiveness and, worst of all, I doubted His love.

And I still struggle with it.

But today, I read the Word and a few verses spoke out to me.

- Luke 12: 24 says, "Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds!"

- Luke 12:32 says, "Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom."

Though the word "doubt" does not appear in either of these verses, the Lord put them on my heart and is using them at this moment to change the way I view my circumstances. He is using them to change me. The Lord DOES provide everything I need, and He DOES have a perfect plan for my life. I just cannot see it all yet. And when I doubt, I choose to be blinded from what He chooses to reveal to me.

Do not be afraid, do not worry, do not doubt, little sheep. *Smiles* For your God delights in choosing to give you the KINGDOM!

I'm done complaining

Recently, I have found myself complaining more often than usual. Big, little, important, or unimportant, the complaints ruin everything in my day. It's horrible really. Yesterday, I was complaining . . .

Why do I always have to get off from work an hour late? oh, why can't I have my own car? where the heck is scott?! he was supposed to pick me up! why can't the people actually READ the menus instead of asking me everything they could just read in there? why can't home be a better place sometimes? why do I have to go to this place or that?

It just made my day a grudgy one. : (

But I remember two things that will help me not to complain so much (or anymore, but that is like impossible) -

1. I'm complaining that I get off late for work.... work that I am PAID for... by the hour. Like, I'm sitting there, making money complaining. How terrible is that really?! I'm complaining about something that really doesn't matter in comparison to what the people in third world countries have to deal with.

I'm complaining about getting off late from work.... they wonder if they'll be able to bring money back to feed the family a meal. I'm complaining about not having my own car to do with what I want.... They wonder how they're going to take a sick relative to the nearest medical clinic without transportation. I'm complaining about my laundry not being first priority when I come home on weekends..... They work hard sewing together their one shirt and pair of pants so that the garments last years.

As soon as the Spirit convicted me, I just felt sick for all the stupid and insensitive complaining I had been doing for awhile now. I couldn't believe how thoughtless I was to think those things I did. Now, if I ever begin to complain again, I am going to pray for the people who have less than I do.

2. Complaining doesn't change my situation. At all. It just makes it worse because I am focusing on what I think is the problem. But by praying to rid myself of the complaints, God can change my attitude towards the situation. So maybe the situation won't change, but my thoughts towards it will change the way I see the problem.

I'm so done with complaining. DONE.

God's Discipline

Hebrews 12 talks a lot about discipline. But mostly it talks about God's love. Because He loves us, He disciplines us so that we learn not to do what we did again. He only wants the best for us, and so when we make mistakes and start doing things for ourselves our way and not His, he first convicts us through the Holy Spirit, and then disciplines us accordingly.

Hebrews 12:11 reads, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

SO, discipline not only shows us how much God loves us, but also is blessing later when (and if) we learn from it! Ahhhh but it doesn't feel good for as long as it lasts. :( It hurts. A lot. Yet God is right beside us helping us through it.

For me, reading those verses in Hebrews 12 has helped me see the "point" in discipline. I never liked it when my dad put me in my room or spanked me or whatever. But of course I realized that he only did that when I did something that could (or did) potentially harm me or my relationship with my parents or God. So there was always a super good reason that my human father disciplined me. HOW MUCH MORE does my Father in heaven love me and therefore want to discipline me in order that I might be in better relationship with Him???!!!

Yeah. Pretty awesome.